Jun 04 2009

Teen in Love

Published by at 4:04 pm under Clean Comedy,Teenagers

I remember it like it was yesterday. Aaron and his girlfriend were sitting in the living room laughing, giggling and enjoying a pizza. I did happen to notice that my boy was eating mushrooms on that pizza, which up until her arrival in his life, he “despised!”  This goes along with shaving, combing his hair and putting on a clean shirt. All things that he didn’t feel the need to do until she entered his life.

Today it all changed. I don’t know what happened, but Aaron got a phone call around noon from his girlfriend. I don’t know what she was saying, but he was extremely frustrated and could hardly get a word in.  Some fragments I caught were:

“But, you won’t let me talk…”

“I didn’t say that, she’s lying to you…”

“Why don’t you believe me?”

This went on for some forty minutes.  As you know, the first few “magical” weeks of an adolescent relationship can be, for lack of a better word, nauseating for those of us who have to witness it. The kids float through the house on a pink cloud with a goofy grin on their face. When asked what they are so happy about, they reply, as if you should have known, “It’s our ninth day, fourth hour anniversary.”

As a parent and an adult, i.e., one who lives in the real world, you know that they eventually will crash and burn; you just hope you are there to help pick up the pieces.

Well, that phone call was it. For forty minutes my son sat on that phone and got gutted like a trout. At one point, I was walking by and our eyes met, and I noticed tears beginning to build up. He was looking at me for, I don’t know, something to help ease his pain. This was one of those rare moments where the omniscient teen doesn’t have an answer. So I delved deep into the recesses of my brain. All my years on this earth. So many relationships. Twenty two years of marriage.

I had nothing.

When I realized this, I thought how funny that was.  And I started laughing – that “laughing in church” phenomenon when you know you’re not supposed to.  The thought came to my mind to ask, “What anniversary you on now, Romantic Man?” I was laughing so hard, I had to take a knee.

I apologized when he got off the phone.  I told him I was laughing because I knew I didn’t have much to tell him. I knew that telling him “this will pass” would be meaningless.  So I just told him that relationships go up and down.  That they are not for the faint of heart.  I congratulated him on entering the fray.  I encouraged him to trust that God had a plan for him. That this wasn’t the end, just the beginning of a lifetime of learning about women and how to be in a relationship.  I encouraged him to “enjoy the ride.” I told him, “this will pass.” (I couldn’t help myself.)  Finally, I then told him the one thing I could really say with authority… that I love him and am proud of him.

Then my wife yelled for me from the kitchen… clearly about something I should or shouldn’t have done.  I exchanged a sheepish look with Aaron and said, “Looks like it’s my turn, pal.”

Do you, or did you, have a teen in love at home? Were you a teen in love?  What’s your story?

7 responses so far

7 Responses to “Teen in Love”

  1. Deeon 18 Jun 2009 at 2:12 pm

    my story at this point in time is painful and sad. I have a 16 year old son who is filled with rebellion, anger, resentment and hate…. why? I do not exactly know how things degenerated to this point… to the point of my son, this “little” boy who once followed me around the house, this little guy who participated in VBS summer after summer, in church plays dressed as a shepherd, an angel, the devil, a disciple…. who contributes to youth group discussions and shared his insights with me on the way home…. how did this same person become the boy who is now cursing at his mother, spewing hateful expletives at me, and has gotten so out of control that I had to put him out of my house… he has gotten in with a group of kids who are in trouble with drugs and booze.. and he has joined them… I am a single mother, and I had no choice but to send him to his father’s house after the most recent episode of out of control insults and language he used on me … (if I were to try to explain to you exactly how he spoke to me, my post would be deleted for using profanity)… it’s been 3 days since I have seen him or spoken to him…the only connection I still have with him now are the changes he makes to his Facebook page every night. and the hard discipline for me is knowing that God’s hand is restraining me from dragging him back home… because there will be no growth for either of us unless his heart is changed. if you are reading this please pray for my son, and also for me. I know that God can do all things.

  2. Johnon 18 Jun 2009 at 5:19 pm

    I have 16-year-old twin boys who are madly (or as a parent maddeningly) in love with two sisters, 17 and 14. The girls hsve one of those fathers who doesn’t let his girls date until they’re 30-something or out of high school, which ever is first. He believes in “adult supervised courtship” and no car dates until marriage, I think. I have rules that are more conservative than most parents in the world, but his seem to be off the charts. His rules are not only frustrating to my boys, but they are also beginning to alienate his teenage daughters.

    Even with all the rules, glares and stares from him, the boys’ and girls’ relationships have grown from mere acquaintances to good friends to serious, loving relationships. It has been beautiful to see. There have been ups and downs, tears and laughter. One of the twins and the 14-year-old sister had to restart and repair, but their relationship is stronger for it.

    My wife and I are friends with the girls’ parents and are in the home-schooling group with them. The boys for the most part have honored the girls’ father’s rules, but at times he seems to want to drive my boys away. I guess the question I have is: “Should I talk to the girls’ father?” or “Should I stay out of it?”

    You would not believe how difficult it gets around my house when he issues an “edict from on high” and punishes the girls from some innocent mistake that any teenager can make. What do you as a parent do when the problem is not the teens but is the parents?

  3. runescape goldon 24 Jun 2009 at 4:14 am

    I feel like time is going incredibly fast and slow at the same time. The weeks/months seem to be crawling…but at the same time, I turn around on Monday and suddenly it is Sunday again

  4. Springon 30 Jun 2009 at 6:24 pm

    John,

    I found your post very interesting. I have been happily married for over 12 years. Your post brought back memories of my courtship. I was not allowed to have a serious boyfriend until I graduated, and then it was, as you put it, “adult supervised courtship.” I never went on a date in a car with my boyfriend, even after we were engaged. The week before we were married we walked around Walmart together – just us! My parents were elsewhere in the store, though. Did this make me angry or resentful toward my parents? Did it make our relationship difficult? Absolutely not! I understood my parents and their reasons for the rules they had. My boyfriend respected me and my parents and honored the rules. He never tempted me to break the rules and I love him for that!

    I can understand that a young man could easily become frustrated by rules like these. You can take my advice or leave it, but this is how I feel. If your sons truly love these girls, the best thing they can do is to respect their father and the rules. I would encourage them to stand by the girls and honor the father’s wishes. Don’t make the girls feel bad because they can’t do what you would like to do. Tell the boys to do their best to become real friends with the father. After all, if they end up marrying, he will be their father-in-law. Best to start off as friends! So far as talking to the dad, if you push the issue about not agreeing with the rules, he may not allow the girls at your home without his supervision or he may go so far as to break up the relationship. I would respect the way he wants the courtship to go. Remember, true love is patient and long-suffering!

    Anyway, take my thoughts however you would like. I don’t normally post on blogs, but I thought you might like to hear from someone who had been there. Happy “courting” and marriage can result with these rules! My marriage is proof!

  5. Donon 09 Sep 2009 at 10:58 am

    =D *Sheepish Laugh*

    I’m in one now, I 15 and she’s 16. My first real, relationship [parents]. Man, who knew you can’t sleep no more =D Up half the night staring at the ceiling, wanna call her about 3AM so you can sleep. I don’t think anybody wants to be woken at 3AM though. I miss my sleep, and my girlfriend when she ain’t around. Anymore I’m a zombie walking around. Work is horrible like that =D and so is school. I guess it’ll be worth it, once I calm down. I hope, my eyes are turning blue around the bottom and sagging, looks funny.
    =D

  6. Cindyon 26 Mar 2010 at 7:41 pm

    John,

    For what it’s worth, I have two boys that have girls after them all of the time. I am uncomfortable with girls who do NOT have strict fathers. I have trained my boys to expect a father to question them and be strict about their daughters – that it is in their best interest to date girls with nosey dads. I prefer it.

    Besides, kids want to move really fast. They “fall in love” too soon. Better to slow it down for them and it is safer, too. The parents who will just “drop” the daughter off at our house without coming to the door (to see if we are actually home!) – they scare me, and I expect their daughetr to get into trouble.

    Just my perspective. :)

  7. Cindyon 26 Mar 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Dee,

    My heart aches for you. Boys really need their dads and we women cannot fill in for the father role. I think a lot of boys without a dad in the home have a lot of anger. I hope and pray that your son has a good dad and that these critical years with him will turn him around.

    My boys have their dad at home but he has been a workaholic so I have really had to reign him in and pray a lot over their relationship. God has been faithful. I know you will pray for your son, too, and not let him forget how much you really love him despite his anger.

    God bless,

    Cindy

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply