When I was a kid, we loved to retort, “Whaddya gonna do... sue me!?” Now that my peers are all grown up, apparently the answer is, “Yes.”

Just this morning in the middle of welding some iron girders with an acetylene torch, I decided to grab a shave. Fortunately, before I did anything stupid, I carefully read the label on the can of shaving cream, “Do not use near fire or flame. Contents will explode under pressure.”

Excuse me, but did all of our common sense seep out the hole in the ozone layer when we weren’t looking? Why do we have to be reminded about things everybody should know? Do I need to be advised not to sauté an aerosol can over an open flame?

Is it is the loss of commonsense, or the love of litigation? I’m at a dead end job (OK, you knew that) and my kids need new shoes; maybe I’ll just dump a cup of hot coffee in my lap, send the kids to a great school and retire on the McDonald’s Frivolous Lawsuit pension.

Last month my friend got sued by someone who twisted their ankle while trespassing on my friend’s lawn.

No one wants to accept personal responsibility for their actions, and everybody wants to get rich without working. (OK, that last part is a little close to home.)

Should companies really have to tell us everything we shouldn’t do with their products before they are totally free from liability?

“Do not operate car while playing the banjo.”

“Do not stand in vat of boiling oil while changing light bulb.”

“Do not insert children under the age of three into toaster.”

Plus, all this legal wrangling has taken the fun out of things.

Remember diving boards? When’s the last time you saw one at a public pool? Apparently, someone hurt themselves.

The exchange on every phone number in the movies is 555, which never goes to an individual. Think some studio might have gotten sued?

You can hardly open a book without the long disclaimer about how “any resemblance to living people or factual events is purely coincidence....” Maybe there are some places where this makes sense, but in Bill Clinton’s “My Life” ... come on!

I was standing in a Toys “R” Us recently and everywhere I looked I could see the imprint of lawyers. There was warning label after warning label. I’m sorry but notices like, “Operate this toy only under the direct supervision of a legal team” aren’t that enticing to an eight-year-old.

I, for one, happen to be grateful that I grew up in an America where the only thing you got from doing something moronic was stitches and a swat from your old man for being a doofus.

But times have changed. More and more it seems we’re becoming a paranoid society. We’re afraid of injury, afraid of each other, and afraid of life. I like the old saw that says, “Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.”

A couple of months ago when I was at my sister‘s house, I saw my nephew come downstairs dressed to disarm a nuclear device. Turns out he was only going roller-blading.

I realize people get hurt, and some very seriously, but if we continue down the track we’re headed, being healthy and alive won’t be all that interesting. Life is risky business. Let’s go for it, not avoid it.

If this article has offended anyone, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, so please accept my apologies. Or, you can contact my lawyer directly at 615 555 2321.

For those of you who want to celebrate and deepen your marriage, check out my good friends at Celebrate Your Marriage. I'm performing with them in November as long as Buttercup doesn't keep badgering me about traveling so often!

Show specifics, contact information, and additional dates can be found on Jeff's website.