The other day I asked my buddy what he was getting his recent bride for Valentine’s Day. I was fishing for some ideas. He replied, “Oh, we’ve both decided not to get each other anything.”

So I said, “OK. So you’re taking her to dinner?”

Whereupon he replied, “Nah. We don’t go for any of that commercial baloney. February 14th is just another day, and just because ‘they’ want you to spend money, doesn’t mean you have to lay down for that.”

Wha ho! Newlywed men. Are there bigger morons on the planet? I informed him that it was my professional opinion, as a man married for 20 plus years, and the author of now TWO videos titled “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” that I thought he was making a big mistake.

“But it was her idea!” he insisted.

Uh huh. “Pay attention, Newlywed Man,” I said. “You’ve got to learn the code!”

“There’s a code?”

“Heck yeah!” When a woman tells you “Let’s not get each other anything,” she’s merely guarding herself against the terrifying possibility that you weren’t going to woo her on her special day. (Yes, men, this is HER day. OUR day is... I don’t know when our day is, but Valentine’s Day, and for that matter, anniversaries, are HER days.) I continued, “Get in the game, my friend! What did you do for Valentine’s Day last year?”

“Nothing. A card, I guess.”

“And,” I continued, “what do you remember about that day?”

“Nothing.”

“Exactly. And that’s what you’re going to get a lot of if you don’t take romancing your wife seriously. You remember the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre?”

He said, “Wasn’t that a big mob hit by Al Capone where seven men were murdered?”

“Consider it a hint,” I said.

Now, I happen to be one of the fortunate men who has a wife who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it. I remember for our 20th anniversary, having messed up the previous 19, I asked Tami about a month ahead of time, “Where would you like to celebrate. I know this is special.” I was thinking “restaurant.”

She almost hit me in the head with a brochure and said, “Hawaii.”

I told her, “You know, I’d be just as happy staying home as long as I was with you, Buttercup.”

She said, “Good. You want to be near me, get on a plane. I’m going to Hawaii.”

So we went. Want to know why? Happy wife, happy life.

So this Valentine’s Day, you don’t have to spend a lot of money. Just make her a nice romantic candlelight dinner, get her some nice flowers, maybe some jewelry and a new coat. Remember the message of Al Capone. Relationships are hard enough without you messing it up. We don’t know how long we’re on this earth. Make sure while you’re here, you’ve done everything you can conjure in your tiny man-brain to let her know that she’s loved and adored.

Here's where I'll be performing publicly in the next month or two. Please come and see me! If you can't, or it's out of town, please tell your friends. Or your enemies. Maybe we'll convert them!

Date	City	Venue	Information
Jan. 1	Surprise, AZ	Radiant Church	623-975-2662
Jan. 6	St George, UT	Dixie Center at St George	435-628-7003
Jan. 7	Grosse Point, MI	Grace Community Church	313-882-3000
Jan. 19	Indianapolis, IN	Lakeview Christian Center	317-243-9396
Jan. 20	Blackshear, GA	Emmanuel Baptist Church	912-536-3132
Jan. 27	Saint Cloud, MN	Salem Lutheran Church	320-252-1625
Feb. 3	Yuba City, CA	Crossroads Community Church	530-751-9168
Feb. 10	Des Moines, IA	West Des Moines Marriott	515-265-1447
Feb. 11	Marion, OH	First Church of Nazarene	740-383-6021
Feb. 14	Murfreesboro, TN	World Outreach Center	615-896-4515
Feb. 18-25	Orlando, FL	Gaither Cruise	www.gaither.com
Feb. 25	Ann Arbor, MI	St. Luke Lutheran Church	734-971-0550

This Valentine's Day, nothing says "I love you" like flowers. Well, OK, or diamonds. But if you want to laugh with your lover, try this CD.